


The God and the Irritable Asshole

by Anonymous



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Character Death, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Past kustard, Sanscest - Freeform, Swapfell Sans (Undertale), gods and mortals, kustard - Freeform, rottenjoke - Freeform, swapfell sans/ undertale sans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25453039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It was supposed to be safe.It was a simple job that's the only reason they brought Chara with them.Of course everything would go to shit leaving Razz all on his own.Now all he has is a vague memory of someone giving him a 'Gift' he never wanted and an all consuming rage he needed to put towards something productive.Now all he needs to do is figure out how to kill a God.(set up ends at chapter 2 you can skip to chapter 3 if you don't feel like context lol)
Relationships: Sans/Sans (Undertale)
Comments: 56
Kudos: 58
Collections: Fanfic Anonymous





	1. The God of Luck

**Author's Note:**

> I am taking a headfirst dive into this flaming dumpster fire. I know where this story is going but no idea how long it will take us to get there! 
> 
> <3, Anon

When Sans came across the dying Skeleton h he almost kept walking. 

Being an immortal being Sans had seen many mortals come and go. It was the way of the world and no one could change the tides of fate. Well, technically speaking as the god of luck he could flip fate the bird. What was the point though? Even if he saved them now they would just die later. 

So he continued his leisurely stroll down the forest path. It was a lovely afternoon after all. A few more weeks until the heat really set in and turned the green to yellow then brown. Sans was debating the merits of a tree nap when a voice raspy weak but full of fire cut through the sound of birdsong and rustling leaves “Where do you think you are going?”

It was not unheard of for those on the border of life and death to gain a second sight. Sans had never had something like this happen to him before. Filled with curiosity he approached them. 

“Sorry bud didn’t see you there.” Sans said with a shrug. 

“Bullshit.” they spat eyes full of hate “You need to get this child to town they are hurt.”

The skeleton shifted his weight to reveal a small human child. Their hair was matted with blood and Sans didn’t need his godly powers to know the truth.

“They’re already dead.”

Purple eye-light shrunk in panic as they stared at him. “No, we were just talking! They’re just hurt!” 

Sans face stayed neutral as the Skeleton continued to rant “We were ambushed but I saved them. They just need rest. One we get to town the healers will sort this all out” realization flashed in their eyelights. “My brother was right behind us! Did you see him on the path! He’ll find us and we’ll all make it back to town.” 

The only thing behind him was a long dusty path, not all of that dust was of the earth. 

“You’re brother has left for the afterlife, This child has left for the afterlife soon you too will join them. Why do you struggle? Is peace so much worse then the pain?” 

Sans saw the dust flaking off of them creating moats in the afternoon light. The skeleton's right arm was already dusted to the elbow. Even though those lavender eyelights had almost completely faded into the darkness of those overly large eye sockets they still held strong. Pain was written in every line of tension every bead of sweat 

“I can’t die.”

Sans hummed as he considered them with interest “Why not?”

“I'm scared.” Tears cut streaks through the dirt and grime that covered their face. 

“Of what?” Sans asked sitting on the ground in front of the crying skeleton.

“What if I die and nobody cares? I was supposed to be great.” They all but whispered. 

Sans felt his smile twitch up a fraction. Death would no doubt chew him out later for this but how could he resist? The little skeleton had passed out and the bird song returned drowning out their painted breaths. 

“You will not die little one.” With a gentle touch Sans wiped a strip of muck from the others' brow. “You will be blessed with my gift” Sans bent and planted a kiss on the newly cleared space. “What will you do with it I wonder?” 

A golden star appeared on the spot Sans had kissed. His mark, his gift, a promise invisible to all but the most sensitive of mortals. With a satisfied hum Sans got up and continued on his afternoon stroll.

________

“You’re the reason we’re lost asshole!”

A bird monster and a dark skinned human were making their way down a small path. 

“No way this is a shortcut. we are almost there I swear!” the bird said waving his companion off. 

“Hey, what’s that?” the human asked pointing to a lump of bones on the side of the road.

“Oh shit. Is that Razz?”  
_________________

Razz didn’t like to sleep his days away. He was already bitter about the six to eight hours he had to give up every night to keep his body running at peak efficiency. So when he woke up in an unknown bed at an unknown location his first thought wasn’t ‘where am I?’ but ‘oh shit i’m late for work’. 

Frantically he tried to fight his way out of the sheets that were tucked around him. With his left hand he grabbed the covers and with his right hand he tried to steady himself. Only for a sharp blinding pain to knock him on his ass. For a moment Razz was sure he was going to throw up. 

When he could finally breathe again he raised his arm to see what the problem was. Turns out the problem wasn’t with his hand, fingers, or wrist. There was no problem with them because they weren’t there. His arm was missing to just below his elbow. Razz flexed the joint to make sure it still worked. There was only a twinge of discomfort, not the blinding mind altering pain that had hit him only moments before. 

What had happened?

That was when Razz took a moment to take in his surroundings. This wasn’t his room. The walls were plain and unadorned. The bed he was lying in was perfectly serviceable but most definitely lacked the flair of his own. To his left on the bedside table was a photograph. A smiling bunny family looked out at him. A mother was sitting in a chair surrounded by six children. The woman in the photograph was younger then the version he knew but at least now he could tell this was the Bun household. 

Bonnie Bun was the keeper of the local Inn. Papyrus had been good friends with-

Papyrus.

Where was Papyrus?

Memories started creeping in. The two of them had been escorting several villagers to a neighboring village for a festival. Chara wanted to come along and how could you say no to that stupid adorable cherub face. 

They'd all been attacked. Dust drifted in the air, Chara was crying but he had run with them as Papyrus covered their retreat. He was running but then everything went dark. 

A soft smile. A deep voice. You will live they said, and he had. 

A knock on the door broke that fragile memory. Betty Bun the youngest of the bun klan peeked her head into the room. Her red eyes widened when she saw Razz was awake and sitting up in bed. The door slammed closed again and he could head the loud childish shrike from outside. 

“Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” 

Chara used the same tone and volume when calling for him or his brother. A pang of fear hit him again. Where was Chara and his Brother? Were they being housed in a different room or maybe they had been unharmed and were simply waiting for him at home? But if that was the case why was he here and not at home?

Bonnie came into the room holding a bowl of food. She had a smile on her face but the slump of her shoulders and the wet matted look of the fur under her eyes told Razz everything he needed to know.

Papyrus and Chara were gone.


	2. The God Sans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sad boi time. Hopefully Razz gets happy soon. Or mad. You know what? Probably mad.
> 
> <3\. Anon

When he had healed enough Razz was allowed to see the coffin. 

It was a small wooden thing. His first thought was that there was no way for Chara, loud exuberant larger than life Chara. To fit into such a small plain box. The clothing sitting on top of the coffin was his brother's clothing. Razz had tried to talk him out of the abrasive Orange tunic but his brother had pushed on. He said it matched his brown breaches perfectly and Razz had wanted to smack him. The outfit was objectively atrocious. Papyrus had pulled his sad face though and how could Razz say no to that? 

The clothing had white powder on it and Razz was filled with a boiling rage. Who would dare contaminate his brother's clothing with chalk? The anger fell out of him just as quickly when he realized it was not chalk dust but monster dust. 

Bonnie was with him. She had lost one of her own during the attack. In the back of his mind he knew she was using him to fill her own void but he was too tired to get angry over it. There were so many other things for him to be angry at anyways. 

Razz was pulled out his thoughts when a heavy hand landed on his shoulder. He looked up to see Bonnie looking down at him with sad eyes. “What would you like to do with them?”

The Bun family had already spread the remains of Benjamin at the child's favorite park. He may have been a year older then Chara but he’d yet to lose that childlike wonder most children lose at that age.-

Focus Razz! Papyrus and Chara. What were you going to do for them?

If it was just Papyrus he would find a quiet place to bury the clothing and Dust. He knew Papyrus would want to stay with Chara though. That bundle of energy would have been out of place in the quiet lonely woods. Nobody knew where Chara had come from. One day they had been found hiding at an alter outside of town. 

The altar had been dedicated to the God of ingenuity, integrity and War. Razz and Papyrus had never been the religious type. After they had taken in the human child though they had gone every year to the festival of fire. to give thanks for the blessing they had received. Chara had loved watching the great bonfire and eating until they dropped. 

“I’d like for the Cult of Grillby to take care of the funeral.”

Bonnie nodded “If it is what you wish.” 

And then the oldest of the Buns were helping him carry his loved ones to one of the local temples. It was a small compound compared to some of the other ones that decorated the area. A simple building that had a disparately large yard space.

Someone must have told the temple they were coming because their leader was waiting outside for them as two other fire elemental's worked to build up a wooden structure in the yard. Coalson greeted them with a nod of his head. The green fire of his hands made rapid intricate shapes but Razz knew the language well. After all it had been one of the many ways Chara would communicate with them. 

' I am sorry to hear of your loss. Chara and Papyrus were a spark of joy in all of our lives.' Coalsons eyes seemed to linger somewhere just above Razz’s eyes for a second to long 'before he continued If you would like to follow me I have prepared some tea while we wait for the pyre.'

Razz didn’t want to leave his family. He looked to Bonnie for reassurance? For comfort? He wasn’t sure. She seemed to know what he needed to hear regardless. 

“We will watch them. Yo go with Coalson.”

So he did. He followed Coalson into a small homely room. There was a bed, a table and a bookcase. It was most likely Coalson’s own personal chambers. Razz was glad for the moment of silences that stretched out as the green fire elemental began to boil a pot of water for tea. 

Razz sat in the small warm space as the small of spices lulled him. He must have dosed off because the clatter of the mug startled him awake again. Coalson gave an apologetic smile as he pulled out some wood chips to munch on. The tea was warm and fragrant. When he sipped the taste of wildflowers filled his mouth. Tea had never been his favorite drink. He much preferred water. The flavor was somehow soothing though. 

A tapping noise drew Razz’s mind back to the present. Coalsons hands were moving again.' I know that this is a very difficult time for you but I must ask. Are you aware of…' he tapped at the flames above his eyes and Razz just stared at him blankly. When no answer came Coalson let out a puff of smoke.' I suppose you are not aware then.'

“Is my face dirty?” He asked. The question sounded wrong but that was the only thing that it could possibly be right? The only scars on his face were over his eye-socket and those were old. He didn’t have any injuries on his head otherwise. 

'No, Your hygiene is not in question. You look as impeccable as always'. The attempt to lighten the mood failed and Coalson dimmed a bit' You have already been through so much pain. I do not wish to cause more. However you have never been the type to beat around the bush. You have a mark on your forehead. I can feel power coming from it and I can not tell if it is a curse or a blessing. However with all of the tragedy that has befallen you recently I would like to check. '

A curse?!?

If it was a curse did that mean the attack had been his fault?

He didn’t know if he said it aloud or if the thought was just written on his face but Coalson rushed to comfort him 'If it is a curse then it is the imp that cursed you that should be blamed for all of this, not you. '

His words did nothing to sooth his rising panic. “How do we tell if I’m cursed?”

Coalson stood from his chair and walked over to the bookcase. I have a book he signed before tapping the spine of a large brown book that sat on the far side of the shelf. He brought it over and set in on the table. The title was ‘Gods and Imps’. ' There is a section dedicated to makings of a divine nature. If this mark has been used before it will be in this book.'

As the green flame read through the book. Razz just sat in silence. His tea sat forgotten on the table as his mind ran through all the terrible things that could happen. Could have happened. Running through his memories Razz couldn’t remember anything that would have led him to being cursed. 

There was nothing - except a fuzzy dream of gold and blue. A warm feeling in his chest as the other leaned towards him.- 

There was another tap on the table.

'I found something but this doesn't make sense. '

The book was flipped so he could read the inscription next to the drawing of a star. 

The mark of Sans: God of Luck, tricks and travelers. This mark is rare but has been known to show up on those who gain Sans favor. It is thought to bring good luck to those that are blessed. 

“Why is there so little information?” Razz asked. Three sentences were nothing. If it was a lucky mark why had everything in his life gone to shit so quickly?

'Not much is known about The God Sans. He has a notorious indifference towards mortals. Not to mansion he is a High God. It does make me think though…'

“About what?” Razz asked not taking his eyes away from the page. 

'Well perhaps it is a lucky mark? You did escape with your life. Rumor is the apothecary and his apprentice were lost on their way home and found you. A couple of healers getting lost and finding an injured Monster is rather fortuitous. '

“It’s not a lucky mark.” 

Coalson tilted his head is question

“If it was truly luck then Papyrus and Chara would be alive. This God Sans must not be much of a God if he can’t even manage that.” 

'Regardless I do not believe the mark will cause you harm. If you would like I can take you back to the courtyard. Preparations should be complete. '

_________  
Razz watched as the flames consumed what was left of his family. He didn’t know what he was supposed to feel right now. Closure? Maybe. It seemed to have helped Bonnie and her family. As he heard the crackle of wood all Razz could think of was this so-called God. 

There was a heat growing in Razz completely independent of the fire before him. As the coffin collapsed in on itself Razz made a decision. He was going to find this ‘Sans’ and kill him. He was going to make him suffer. Sans would know pain and grow to regret what he had done. Because Sans had saved the wrong monster .

If he wanted to live he should have saved Papyrus and Chara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments feed the beast.


	3. At the Hot Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay chapter 2 was the last of the set up! Now we can get tot he meat of the story! 
> 
> <3, anon
> 
> [Edit: Forgot about Razz's arm for a hot second]

The first time he found Sans was nothing but luck. 

The hot springs were far off the beaten path. Teal waters were lapping against the smooth grey rocks as a gentle steam filled the air. He could feel his fingers twitch with a deep need to touch the water. Despite the fact that Razz was totally lost a spike of excitement ran through his body when he realized he could. He had only ever been to the hot springs in Calest. Those were crowded, loud and overpriced. 

It was only moments before his clothing was thrown into a messy pile. Unclasping his prosthetic took a little longer but soon he was free. Dead leaves crunched under his feet unheeded as the smell of the spring hit him. This was probably the only time he would welcome the slight odor of rotten eggs. 

With a cry of delight Razz jumped. 

The water felt even better than he had hoped. It filled the space between his joints soothing away the strain from walking all day. 

“Excited ain’t ya?” A teasing voice asked from behind him.

There sitting under a rocky outcrop was another skeleton monster. With a slight flush Razz yelled out his first observation of the other.

“What the fuck? You're naked!!!”

They just laughed “Uhhhh, I hate to pop your bubble there buddy but you’re kind of bare boned yourself.”

Razzes good hand shot from where it had been covering his eyes down to cover what he could of his pelvis. The long delicate fingers did little to cover his shame. “Stop looking!” 

“Oh my god.” They laughed out before obliging and covering their eyes haphazardly with one hand. “You know.” they added “It is traditional to undress before getting in the water right?”

Razz sat his ass down so more of his body was covered by the waters. “I am aware, You just caught me off guard. I did not expect to find another person here.”

“It is a bit hard to find.” The stranger agreed “That's why I like it here. I’m a bit of a hermit myself.”

Razz waited for the self proclaimed hermit to remove his hand from his eyes but he didn’t. With an irritated huff Razz said “You may remove your hands.” 

“Thank you for the permission to gaze upon your delicate form.” The hermit said with a joking head bow before he broke into more laughter. 

“You are unbearable. “ Razz groaned out as he moved to find a good place to sit and relax. 

“Well since we are going to be in each others company for a bit I suppose we should exchange names. I am known as Razz the Great and Powerful, However you may shorten it for the sake of convenience to Razz.” He found an outcropping across from the hermit and sat. 

“Razz huh? That's an interesting name. People call me Sans, Sans the Skeleton.”

Razz’s metaphorical ears perked up at the mention of the name. He looked over the other again with a more critical eye. This Sans didn’t look like a God. In fact he looked like a slightly underwhelming mortal. Broad flat teeth, Plain white eye lights devoid of color, There was a faint bruising under those drooping sockets that told of sleepless nights. He gave off the impression of an overworked tailor not an all powerful being. 

Still though if he was a God would he not disguise himself? 

“Sans that is also an interesting name.” Razz found a pebble and started to fiddle with it. “Where have I heard that name before?” He asked as if he didn’t already know.

Sans smile quirked up at the corner. “Well I’d hope so. It’s the name of a pretty great God.”

Razz put his hand to his chin and pretended to be thinking very hard on the matter. “Sans, Sans… Nope never heard of him before, I must have been mistaken.”

It was hard to stifle the smile that tried to bloom on his face as Sans own face fell. The other looked completely crestfallen. 

“Oh come on you’ve never heard of Sans? God of luck? Master of tricks? Traveler of a thousand roads?”

Either this was just a very devoted follower or This was one very pathetic God. Razz hoped it was the second. But he had to be a hundred and ten percent sure before he could make a move. 

“Nope never heard of him. What city is a patron of?”

Sans looked even more put upon. “He doesn't have a city.”

“Oh.” Razz said as if he didn’t know. As if he hadn’t scoured a hundred archives to find every scrap of information on that God as he could. “Then if he is so great he must have a temple? A cult devoted to his worship?” From everything he had read Razz had found no mansion of anything of the like. 

At the mention of the Cult sans perked up a bit “Oh yeah there’s no cult but if you look around you’ll see his shit everywhere. You know the stars on G? Those are a reference to him. His mark is a five pointed star. And you know how travelers wear those blue charms? That is also a form of worship. Even if they don’t know they are doing it. Just because everyone’s forgotten why they do what they do doesn't mean it don’t matter.”

Razz smiled “If everyone's forgotten then how do you know?”

Light blue sweat appeared on Sans' skull. “Oh I’ve just been around you know?”

Razz took the small pebble he had been playing with and with a marksman's precision threw it full force at Sans head. It was like one moment Sans was sitting in front of him relaxed and smiling. Then the next he was about five feet to the left in a completely different position. 

“That's not usually how people react to finding a God.”

Dam all of his weapons and wards were still in his bag. All that Gold and preparation was for nothing! All Razz had was his fist and whenever rocks he could grab. 

“Especially one who saved your life.”

“Mine wasn’t the life you should have saved.”Razz spat “My brother Or my ward they were the forgiving ones.”

Sans smile quirked up again, as if this was just a _joke_ to him!

“You remind me of someone I used to know... Listen if you can find me again I’ll give you another chance at a free hit but until then.” Sans raised his hand as his left eye socket was filled with Gold and Blue light. “Here another gift.”

Then it was over. 

Sans was gone and all that was left of that utter asshole was a single gold coin with a star on it. 

____

That night at camp Razz untied the light blue charm that hung from his bag. It was a small thing made of blue rope and onyx beads. Without a second thought Razz threw it into the roaring fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments feed the beast


	4. The cave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Razz dose something stupid. Like really fucking stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last of the Sad boi power hour... maybe.... we'll see... ;)
> 
> <3, anon

The second time he had found Sans it had been one hundred percent intentional. 

He was tired and hungry. The clothes he wore were completely soaked through by the sheets of rain that had been falling since early morning.Sans had called himself a hermit the last time they had met but Razz was the one who now looked the part. 

He had to store his wooden prosthetic in his pack to keep it safe. The clothes he decided to wear that day were his traveling ones, worn and full of holes. There was mud splattered over everything from the knees down coating his bones and joins in muck. Truly , if the old Razz had seen himself on the road he would have had nothing but contempt in his heart. 

This was no time to dwell on the past. In fact that was why he was on the road instead of camping out of the elements like any rational person would have done. He had everything he needed to do something most said was impossible. He had gotten everything he needed to summon a God. 

It was almost silly how easy it was to do the dead. All he needed was a copper bowl, something flammable, a representation of the God you wanted to summon and some dust or flesh depending on weather you were human or monster. 

You were supposed to do the ritual at a temple or shrine dedicated to the God in question to increase the odds of success. That had been the hard part. But Razz had heard of a cave nearby that had an old mosaic of Sans on the wall. From the texts he could tell it might have been an alter a hundred or so years ago. He just hoped it would work. 

Razz was so caught up in his thoughts he almost completely missed the cave entrance. It was actually a lightning strike that drew his attention to the dark yawning hole . With a smile that didn’t reach his eyes Razz sagged. 

“Fucking finally.” 

The entrance was blocked with several large bushes but it only took a flare of magic to clear the foliage. Inside was about what he’d expected. It was Dark, damp, and filled with crawling vines. Razz was prepared for this though. Inside his sealskin bag were several torches. A spark was all it took for the cloth to catch and light the area in a soft orange light. 

“Whoa…” Razz couldn’t help the awe that crept into his voice. 

The mosaic was large and intricate. It depicted Two skeletons one was dressed in white and gold robes. Familiar white eye lights filled those overly large sockets. The other Skeleton was a surprise to find. They were also dressed in white robes but theirs were trimmed in silver. Red eye lights sharp and conniving were in complete contrast to Sans. Even his teeth were different. Sharp and pointy like the ones that filled Razz’s own mouth, not dull and straight like Sans’. 

They were standing in a nature scene. Most of the glazed shards around the edges had fallen away or been stolen by wayward travelers. Despite the age and decay of the piece Sans looked happy. 

Suddenly Razz felt tired. Despite the anger that still filled him there was also a deep hole that seemed to grow with each passing day. This hole ate away at his emotions and energy leaving only apathy in its wake. Not for the first time Razz wondered what he would do when this was all over. 

“Let's get this over with.” he said. Despite the fact he was alone Razz paused for a second. When no reply came he dutifully set up his camp. 

___

By the time he got everything ready, night was falling fast. 

His campfire was the perfect light to work by. On a cotton cloth in front of him he laid everything out. A small sharp knife, a copper bowl, and the gold coin Sans had left him. Razz packed the bottom of the bowl with cotton and twigs. Before making sure everything else was ready as well. 

The wards were set up at the mouth of the cave to keep Sans from telephoning. He tugged on the leather straps that held his prosthetic together. And finally he made sure his dagger was sharp. When he deemed everything ready Razz started the ritual. 

“I summon you Sans, God of luck, King of tricks and traveler of a thousand roads.”

He transferred some of the flame from the fire to the summoning bowl using his torch. Everything caught quickly causing the room to fill with yet more smoke. The room was getting hazy but Razz continued. 

“In return I offer you this token.”

He threw the coin into the fire.

“And my life.”

Razz had to place the knife into his fake hand. Locking the fingers in place he was able to place his good hand on the cloth. He had ran over this moment in his head a hundred times.  _ Quickly  _ Razz told himself _ Do this quickly before you chicken out. _

With a deep breath Razz placed the blade against his pinky finger and started to saw. 

The pain was unimaginable and one or twice he almost stopped. A cold sweat broke out all over his body as saliva filled his mouth. He would  _ not  _ throw up. Methodically he kept up the sawing motion until there was a clink of bone hitting metal. 

_ Let that be enough dear Gods let that be enough _

But as he fought against the black spots that threatened to pull him under the cave stayed silent. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream but most of all he wanted to sleep. This was almost over though. 

_ Just one more _ Razz told himself desperately  _ You can do one more _

Not believing he could Razz set the blade against another finger. His pointer this time. If he lost any more fingers the dagger would be useless to him but if this failed then Razz would have nothing left anyways.

With a wail of despair Razz braced for the pain. 

Only for a skeletal hand to come out of nowhere and grab his wrist before he could begin sawing. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” A cold angry voice asked.

At first he was convinced a stranger had heard him and come to intervene. The hand was not attached to a stranger though, it was attached to Sans. Unlike the mosaic behind him this Sans was filled with a cold rage that made Razz giddy. 

Finally.

“You’re here.” He said and was surprised at how weak his voice sounded. 

“You did call.” Sans spat out.

Razz didn’t even think. His body acted on his own. The hand that was holding the small cutting knife swung out ready to connect with bone. Sans went to teleport. Razz could tell by the way he flickers in and out of reality for a moment. The way his eyes widened with realization that the ward had worked. Razz only missed by a hair. Not missing a beat he used the motion form the failed attack to roll towards his dagger. Soon he was crouched on the floor a knife in each hand and staring down the asshole he had dedicated his life to destroying. 

Sans just stood there shocked. “What the heck are you  _ doing? _ ”

“I told you I was going to kill you.” 

Sans just shook his head “It looked more like you were killing yourself.”

“I’ve had worse.” Razz said but it was a weak lie. Now he was holding still it felt like every bone in his body had been filled with lead. There was a soft rattling noise filling the cave and with a sinking dread he realized it was coming from himself. 

“I can’t stand here and watch you kill yourself.” Sans said, turning his back on Razz.

“No! Don’t run you  _ fucking coward _ !” He yelled trying to get up. To chase Sans and stop him. Gravity seemed to have increased in the last few minutes though and Razz claterd to the floor like a puppet with its strings cut. 

“Don’t try to summon me again. I won’t come.” Then sans stepped out of the cave. Now outside of the wards range he teleport ed away. 

Razz screamed wordlessly as he threw the dagger where Sans had been standing. It didn’t even get close. Razz let out another scream before darkness took him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments feed the beast


	5. A favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay we did it! The first section id officially over. Now we can move on to part two 'The Sansaning'
> 
> (Don't worry Sans hasn't made his last appearance ;P )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Razz is set on the road to recovery. It is painful but maybe now he could start moving forward instead of being stuck in the past?

When Razz woke up the first time he was surrounded by darkness. He didn’t know where or when he was. 

“Papy?” He called out, voice raw with thirst. Was he sick? He must be. He felt terrible, it didn’t help that he must have fallen out of his cot at some point. The floor was hard and cold but he didn’t have the strength to push himself up. “Chara?” He called out. Was everyone asleep? 

Footsteps approached but they sounded wrong. Razz tried to open his eyes but it felt like they were glued shut. Soft paws were placed on his head. This was very wrong but before he could think about it too hard he blacked out again. 

____

The next time he woke up he was in front of a roaring fire wrapped in blankets. It was too hot though. Sweat was pouring down this skull. The blankets were too tightly wrapped and he was too weak.

“Be still my child” A soothing voice said. “You will be well soon.” 

Razz didn’t want to sleep. This stranger's voice couldn’t be trusted but he didn’t have a choice. He was already drifting away. As he was being pulled into sleep once again he thought he saw Papyrus.  _ Brother  _ he tried to call out to him but Papyrus was already leaving. 

________

Razz woke up feeling stiff and sore but clear headed.

The fire was out this time but the cave was lit with early morning light. Razz turned his head and saw another monster was sitting next to him.She was big, bigger then most other monsters he had met. Her fur was a pure snowy white and looked very soft. Her eyes met his and she smiled. “Good morning my child.”

“I’m not a kid.” Razz said, only managing a whisper. 

“You are all my children.” She said with a small laugh “but if you prefer I will use your given name, Razz.” 

“How-”  _ Do you know that? _ He wanted to ask but a coughing fit caught him off guard. 

“Let’s just say we have a mutual friend.” She explained before handing him a water skin. 

He drank enough to wet his mouth. Razz unfortunately was familiar with what happened when someone dehydrated drank too much too quickly. When he felt well enough to speak Razz asked what he already knew. 

“I think I know who you are if this ‘friend’ you are speaking of is named Sans the Skeleton.”

“Oh yes!” The goat monster said ignoring the sarcastic connotation on the word friend “I am so glad he has found a companion . He has been alone for quite awhile.”

Razz wasn't listening to her words to busy thinking,If this was who he thought it was… “Then is it safe to assume that your name is Toriel?” 

“ My goodness!” She replied “I am sorry for my rudeness. Yes, my name is Toriel. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Razz had seen many depictions of the Goddess during his studies. Not to mention he had become stupidly familiar with the style of robes she wore. Maybe dealing with Sans had desensitized him. Because, somehow meeting Toriel God of life, healing and alcohol didn’t inspire Razz with awe or wonder. 

“Well I suppose a thank you is in order then.” Razz struggled to sit up. When Toriel tried to help him he waved her off. Razz could do this much on his own.

“No thanks is needed.” Toriel assured him “I simply did what came naturally to me. However if you do wish to thank me then may I ask a favor?”

As if he could say no to a God's request .”What’s the request ?”

There must have been a great worry waging her down because with those three words Toriel smiled. Truly smiled and it was a beautiful sight. “May I ask that you stop trying to kill Sans?”

A cold dread filled his chest. Had she saved him only to deprive him of his only reason for living? Were all Gods this cruel? With a tired sigh Razz answered. 

“I can not stop my hatred.” 

Toriel wilted a bit “I am not asking you to change how you feel about him. I am simply asking that you stop actively trying to kill him. I know he can be obtuse but he has done me a great favor and it would sadden me if he died.” 

Not able to say the words aloud due to the lump in his throat Razz nodded not looking Toriel in the eye. 

“Thank you!” Toriel gathered Razz up in a hug making him go stiff. “You have given this old woman a great gift today.” 

As soon as Razz made the promise that would surely ruin the rest of his life Toriel bid him farewell. Soon he was alone again. He looked at the image of Sans on the wall.

“I still hate you.” He declared and he hoped Sans could hear him somehow “You are an asshole who failed to save the only people I ever loved.” Tears were leaking from his sockets “I failed to save the only people that metterd. You should have let me join them…” Razz curled up in his bedding “Why didn’t you let me join them?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor baby, All it took was him almost dying to admit to himself who he was really mad at.


	6. Muffet's Inn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans shows up at Razzes new job. The later is not amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff? In my angst story? ... no?
> 
> Okay so now we are in the slice of life stage of the story. I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> <3 Anon

The third time around Sans found him. 

Forced to return to a somewhat normal life Razz struggled to find work. He couldn’t blame them. Razz knew he looked like a mess. Scared to hell, missing finger on his only hand, intense as hell. So he traveled around a bit before finding a place that’d give him a shot. 

It was an out of the way Inn. That sat snugly between the capital of Home and the port city of Seaside. It was the smallest and cheapest of several inns that lined the two day trip. However, it wasn’t even on the main path. You had to travel about an hour into the woods on a sketchy looking shepherds path to get there. 

Despite that it was a lovely place to stay. Mostly because only seasoned travelers and traders knew about the Inn. It was only once in a blue moon you would find any soldiers and never would you find anyone who wore rich clothing. Muffet, the owner, was also known to trade work for room and board. 

That's how Razz ended up there. He had stayed at Muffets before while wandering to and from Home. When she heard about his situation Muffet made him an offer. 

“Go muck out the stables and tend to the horses. Do it well and you can stay the night.”

Every morning it was a different chore but always preceded the same way. 

Razz didn’t complain and Muffet didn’t ask questions, it was perfect. And if maybe Razz was content then that was okay too. Life moved on and he tried not to think about his past. On his bad nights Razz may find his way into a bottle or four but that was his own business and no one else's. Tonight wasn’t one of those nights though. He couldn’t afford to be on anything but his best behavior. 

It was a warm summer Friday night. It was also the day before the festival of fireflies and residents from Seaside and Home had set up camps along the route. This would be his first festival working and even though he was nervous Muffet reassured Razz he’d be fine. Even though only a few rooms were booked the common area was filled with drinking Monsters and Humans from those who had camped in the area. 

Muffet had him running drinks to those groups that decided to sit outside in the grassy field. The festival's namesake were out in abundance and even the rowdy revelers didn’t seem to scare them off. It was quite the party and only started to taper off once the moon had set. 

Razz was just finishing up his work when he saw  _ him. _

Sans was sitting at the bar chatting up Muffet. She was laughing, presumably at something the bastard had said, and Razz wanted nothing more than to turn and leave. He must have hesitated too long though because Muffet saw him and waved him over. Razz could still run..

With a sigh of defeat Razz walked over to them with a fake smile. 

“Razz Dear, You really must meet my friend Sans.”

Sans turned to look at him with a crooked smile “Heya Razz, How’s it hanging?”

Razz ignored Sans greeting “We’ve met.” 

Muffet smiled at him coyly “Oh since you two already know each other why don’t you give Sans a tour?” She turned to Sans “It has been an age~. You really must take a wander.”

“That’d be real nice Muff. Only if Razzy’s okay with it?” Sans turned to look him in the eye. 

“Don’t call me Razzy and I’ll do it.”

“Perfect!” Muffet said, clapping two sets of her hands together “I’ll have Char finish up your chores .”

Sans pushed himself away from the counter and joined Razz by the door. 

“Have fun you two~”Muffet said as they left. 

Once they were safely outside Razz let his smile drop. Sans was standing next to him staring at the night sky. He looked different then he remembered. The skeleton was dressed like some kind of sleazy veneer. He also looked completely exhausted. Razz felt no pity for him though. He started to walk into the night without a word.

“So I didn’t know you were working for Muff.” Sans said conversationally. 

Razz just gave him a skeptical look and continued towards the stables. 

“Okay maybe I heard through the grapevine you were crashing here. Muff’s a sweetheart really. Well as long as you pay your bills that is. You do not, I repeat do not, want to know about the last guy that skipped out on a bill. Or maybe you do? It is kind of an interesting story if you ignore the bloody bit’s-” 

“Do you ever shut up?” Razz asked as they reached the stable door. 

“I’ve been known to.” Sans replied with a shit eating grin. 

“Well let's begin the tour then.” Razz said with an equally shitty grin. “These are the stables.” 

Razz knew he had made the right choice when he saw Sans’ barely hidden disgust. The stables did not smell good. In fact they smelled just like horse shit. Muffet said he had to give a tour of the grounds but never said what part of the grounds. The stables were almost empty just like the Inn itself but they day had been hot and the smell was strong. Razz was used to it by now. Maintaining the stables was part of his weekly chore list. Sans on the other hand looked a little green. 

“This is… nice…” Sans said pulling out a piece of cloth and putting it over his nose. 

“Oh yes you really must meet the horses. We have quite a few staying with us at the moment.” Razz said, bringing Sans to the first horse. 

“This is Glenda, careful she bites.” Sans didn’t even pretend to be interested in the Angry looking black stallion standing in front of him giving it a slight nod before Razz took him to the next one. His only regret was that this couldn’t last longer Sans looked like he was ready to vomit by the time they returned to the stable doors. 

“That was… cool…” Sans managed as he breathed in the fresh night air trying to keep a hold of himself. Razz just rolled his eyes. What a wimp. When Sans was done being a drama queen he spoke up again. “So which one was yours?” 

That question caught him off guard. 

“You do have a horse right? It’s a long way from my old temple and it would’ve been a hard trek by yourself.”

“My stead does not stay in the stables.” Razz said carefully. 

“Oh, must be a special horse then.” 

“She is very special.” Razz said “If you wish to meet her then follow me.” 

And Razz walked off. Sans soon followed if the crunch of dry grass was anything to go by. It was a short walk to the goat pen. As much as Razz didn’t want to wake Nightmare he couldn’t help the spark of excitement that filled him as he approached the pen. 

When they reached the pen Razz saw a couple of goats sleeping by the climbing structure he had built for them. Nightmare must have fallen asleep in the lean-to tonight.

“So your horse is a goat?” Sans asked as he scanned the pen confused. 

“No, her friend is a goat” Razz rolled his eyes at Sans ludicrous assumption “ and she is happier here than in the stables.” 

“Nightmare!” Razz called out “Here girl I got some treats for you.” For a moment nothing happened. 

“Night _ mare _ ?” Sans asked “ Is that a pun?” 

Razz didn’t look at Sans as he called out again. 

“Oh my start, you're a _ nerd _ !” Sans said gleefully. 

Razz was about to just call it a night and to leave Sans to find his own way when a soft clopping noise got his attention. From the other side of the lean-too came two shadowy figures. One was a young white goat named Snowball and the other was an old graying miniature donkey. 

“There’s my girl.” Raaz greeted as Nightmare pushed her head into his outstretched hand. 

“That is…” Sans started before catching the murder in Razz’s smoldering eye lights. “...Not what I was expecting?” 

Razz just snorted “Fair enough, I met her while on my way through Snowpeak. her owner was selling her for next to nothing and it was nice to not have to carry my heavy packs.” 

Sans reached out a hand and Nightmare sniffed it before letting out a dissatisfied huff. Despite her apparent disdain Nightmare didn’t pull away when Sans reached for an ear to scratch. 

Razz pulled out a sugar cube and gave it to the elderly donkey. “She has been a wonderful traveling companion.” 

“And the goat?” Sans asked gesturing at the little goat who had fallen asleep at the Nightmares feet 

“Oh that's snowball they have been inseparable since they met.” 

Sans hummed at that “Maybe they were lovers in a past life.”

Razz couldn’t help rolling his eyes again. “Surely you don’t believe that.”

“I do.” Sans said earnestly looking past the animals in front of him. “A soul is never truly lost. When we die we are all returned to the cycle. The determined souls though, sometimes they get a second chance. At love, At having a family, sometimes even if they fail at a task they can come back and try again. They never remember their past life but they will be drawn to what their past self wanted most.”

Razz was thrown by the sincerity in his words. 

“Well I should be going.” Sans said after another minute of staring into space “Gotta see a dog about a man.” 

Before Razz could say anything Sans was gone. He took another look at the animals cuddling in the dirt. Was something like that possible? Or was Sans messing with him?

A yawn made him realize it was way to late to be thinking about stupid things like reincarnation. If he wanted to go to sleep before the sun came up he needed to get back to the Inn. 

With one last look at Nightmare and Snowball Razz headed back to the Inn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments feed the beast.


	7. Fun in the forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans is dumb. Razz had to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a little fun fact about Sans. He is very loosely based off of dionysus. As in at some point in his history he was a god of madness but as the years went on he went through a change to become more of a party god. Sometimes his old nature shows itself a bit. I'd really like to work that into the story a bit more later on! 
> 
> <3, Anon

Gods were all powerful beings that shaped reality to their whims. According to the stories they could raise mountains, destroy cities or even rearrange the stars in the sky.That's why people worshiped them. If anyone saw Sans stupidity their nation might become athistic. 

Razz had set up a hammock outside since it was Sans day to visit. It was a warm summer night and the stars were bright in the sky. He only caught glimpses of them through the swaying leaves but it was always comforting to know they were there. His hammock was swaying lightly. Overall he was the most relaxed he had been in a long time. 

That's when he heard it.

That stupid laugh he would recognise anywhere.  _ Sans,  _ even in this peaceful moment that obnoxious skeleton was interloping in his life. With a sigh Razz grabbed his arm off the ground and strapped it into place. Climbing a tree with one arm was impossible for Razz but he had found the prosthetic gave him just enough leverage to get him up a tree with low enough branches. 

It was a slower process then it'd been before but he still managed to get onto a sturdy branch as the voices got closer. Sans wasn’t alone. As the party came stumbling into view he saw Sans was joined by a madjick who was carrying a limp froggit. The rancid smell of alcohol told Razz that they had all been drinking liberally. 

  
“Are we there yet?’ Sans slurred as they came close enough to hear. 

“Yes, Yes, just a little further.” The madjick said, sounding suspiciously sober. 

“You said it was right outsiiiiiiide.” Sans wined. 

The froggett let out a long drawn out ribbit.

“Fine I suppose this is far enough out.” 

They were standing just under the tree paying no mind to the empty hammock. Those were the sketchiest monsters Razz had ever seen. It was no surprise when the madjick pulled out a knife and pointed it at Sans. 

Fucking hell Sans was getting robbed.

Was it Razz’s  _ birthday _ ?

Said monster was swaying on his feet staring at the blade pointed in his direction. It was hard to see his face from his perch; his tone of voice was enough to tell Razz this was not what Sans was expecting. 

“That's not wine. Wait, I’m really drunk.” He gestured at the froggitt “Lilly is that wine?” 

Lilly who seemed honestly drunk just let out another long noise that might have been an attempt at words before going limp under her companions arm. 

“Like Lilly said I don’t think that's wine.” 

The madjick let out a long suffering sigh that Razz could feel in his soul “Give me all your G and we can all go on our way. Don’t make this difficult.” 

Sans just sat in the dirt with a thump “'m good, think ‘m just gonna sleep this off.”

Soon snoring came from the prone form and Razz wanted to stab someone himself. Did Sans have no self preservation? Well clearly not since he was sleeping in the dirt while a couple of thieves tried to rob him. Razz could easily leave the dumb ass to his fate but… 

If these two thought muffet’s patrons were easy marks they might try again later on someone who didn't actually deserve it. Razz didn’t want to do this, but on the other hand…

With an annoyed noise of his own Razz tried to make his way quietly back down the tree. Of course he failed as the branch he stepped onto made a loud creaking noise.

“Who there!?” The madjick called out in a panic. 

Deciding to roll with the situation Razz summoned a bone construct in his hand. “Up here asshat!” He called before chucking the small construct at the thief’s head. 

It didn’t do much damage but the sting got the others attention as two glowing eyes pied up at him full of shock. “Who the hell are you?” 

“Doesn't matter. Get out of here and leave the drunk alone.”

Razz used his good arm to swing himself off the low branch he was perched on to the ground. When the madjick saw him they just started to laugh as if they’d been told a great joke. 

“Oh you’re that cripple from the Inn! Yeah mo, I’ll take his gold.” He gestured to Sans with the knife “and now yours as well.” 

“I don’t think so.” Razz said before lunging for the madjick . As expected they instinctively lashed out at Razz with the small blade. The knife found its mark and sunk deep into his arm. The wooden one that is. With a twisting jerk Razz pulled back and ripped the knife out of the others grip. 

Razz moved so he was standing in front of Sans prone form. “Now, it is you who will be leaving. Take your friend and go.” 

Instead of turning away however the madjick placed the small froggy friend on his shoulder freeing up both hands. “Now you’ve gone and done it.” They spat “I was going to let you leave mostly intact but now they won’t even find your dust!”

A glowing orb started to form in their hand as a murderous intent swept through his bones. Before he could even start to form another bone atack something behind him shifted.

Razz didn’t need to see the way the others' faces dropped to know there was something absolutely terrifying standing just behind him.The other monster aborted the attack and ran. However,Razz couldn’t run. His legs would not work as the feeling of dread began to seep into his bones. 

The irrational certainty that if he turned he would die filled his head. When a heavy hand fell on his shoulder Razz would have wet himself if he had the biological functions to allow it. 

“Hey Sweetheart~” A familiar voice said as the oppressive atmosphere shattered like ice. 

Sans was standing behind him swaying on his feet smelling of cheap booze. “Hey Hun~” He continued “Haven’t seen you in awhile.” Clearly in Sans' head he was being smooth but the reality was about as appealing as a pie filled with rotting fish. 

“I saw you like four hours ago.” And he had. Razz caught sight of Sans enjoying a dinner in the common hall. Sans had even tried to wave him over as Razz intently ignored him. 

“Mmm-hmm” Sans hummed noncommittally as he rubbed his face against the rough cloth of Razz’s shirt. “Missed you.” Sans whispered before there was the clack of teeth and Sans kissed his shoulder. 

Razz wanted to punch Sans in the face. He wanted to kick and scream at the stupid asshole for ever thinking that he was allowed to defile Razz of all monsters. He would have too if Sans hadn’t spoken his next words in an almost sob “I miss you Red.”

It was then that he realized Sans was confused. In the haze of intoxication and the dark night Sans must have thought Razz was someone else's. Even if Razz was less than pleased with the situation he knew it would be better to get Sans to sleep as soon as possible. If Gods could get 

hangovers Sans was going to be hating life in the morning. 

“Let's get you back to the Inn.” Razz finally decided.

“Nooooo!” Sans cried out like a child. 

Razz tried to haul Sans closer to the road but said skeleton went limp. All the dead weight caused Razz to crash to the ground with a pained huff. 

“Let’s stay here and stargaze.” Sans said as if he hadn’t just brought the both of them down to the ground. 

There was no way he could carry Sans all the way back to Muffets Inn. So with determination Razz pivoted his plan.

“Sure we can stargaze.” Razz reaffirmed “We just have to get you to the hammock.” 

Sans giggled like a child but let Razz manhandle him into a standing position. It took what felt like hours for Razz to finally get the stupid skeleton into the sleeping hammock. It wasn’t built for two but like hell he was going to spend the night on the hard ground. 

“Now go to sleep.” Razz demanded as they found a somewhat comfortable position. 

It was quiet for a while and Razz was sure that Sans had drifted off. He had almost drifted off himself when Sans spoke. 

“Hey Red are you mad at me?”

If Sans was asking Razz he would have said ‘yes!’ but as this mysterious Red? “Who do you ask?” he asked. 

“I met a skeleton. He’s prickly and stubborn but I think I like him.”

Razz frowned “Why would I be mad about that?”

“I don’t want you to think I was replacing you.” Sans whispered. 

“Are you?” Razz asked, honestly curious. 

Sans was quiet for a second “No.” 

“Then i’m not mad at you stupid. Go to sleep.”

It wasn’t even five minutes later that a snore started up next to Razz’s skull. 

_____

When he woke up the next morning Razz was alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting so much food for this beast! but as always Comments feed him well.


	8. Role Reversal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Razz is the drunk one. Sans tells him a story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you 'BookwyrmFinallyGotAnAccount' for the idea:
> 
> Maybe razz overhearing sans tell stories of his travels and what he has seen, like at the bar telling stories.
> 
> far away places and incredible beasts. Impossible odds and turbulent storms!
> 
> It was really helpful inspiration!

It had been a Bad Day ™ . 

It didn’t take much for Razz to have a bad day. If he tripped on the way into the barn? Bad day. Someone not paying their tab and causing a ruckus during dinner service? Bad day. Sans showing up drunk at the Goat pen when Razz was trying to hide? Bad day. 

Now a Bad Day ™ . Those were much more infrequent. Today he saw a bird. In any other circumstance it wouldn’t have been noteworthy. The pale red bird had grey and white markings. It was a common breed in his hometown but more rare here. It was technically called Peepers but they had always called it a Chara-Bird. 

One lived in a tree near their home and Chara would wander around mimicking the bird call. They did it to annoy Papyrus and he would pretend to get mad at them. His brother would never admit he found it endlessly endearing. Razz had to break up more than one play fight due to that stupid bird. 

So with one bird call his okay day became a Bad Day ™ . The only thing that kept him going through the day was the promise of a stiff drink. So the second he was done with his work Razz sat himself in front of Muffet and ordered a drink. 

“It’s early.” She pointed out crossing one set of arms. 

“Is that a no?” Razz asked, trying to hold back a growl.

“Just an observation.” Muffet reassured smoothly “I don’t want one of my workers unable to work tomorrow morning.” 

Razz waved her off “I’ll be fine.” It wouldn’t be the first time he had worked with a massive hangover.

So Muffet served him a drink, and then another and another. By the time Sans sauntered in, Razz had a really nice buzz going on. Maybe leaning a bit towards being drunk. Sans sat beside him, saw the pitcher and smiled. 

“What's the occasion?”

Razz didn’t even look at him. “I too like to partake in a drink on occasion.”

Sans eyed the pitcher that was half empty “ ‘s a bit more than a drink there Razz.” 

“I don’t need you’re…” Razz paused for a moment. What was the word he was looking for again? Maybe if he had another sip would help him figure it out. After he finished Razz just stared into space for another moment trying to remember what he was trying to remember.

Sans started to snicker besides him.

“What?” Razz asked annoyed. 

“You’re a lightweight.” Sans snickers pouring himself a glass.” How much have you had?’ 

“Muffet cut me off after three.”

“Cups?” Sans asked, amused. 

“Pitchers.” 

His unwanted companion choked on his own drink as Razz snickered into his arm. 

“Okay not a lightweight.” Sans said to himself as he tried to dry the now damp table. 

“Nu-uh” Razz said, still snickering. What had been so funny? Oh right! 

“You’re the lightweight.” Razz said, jabbing a finger into Sans arm. Maybe a bit too hard if the way Sans flinched was any indicator. 

His good mood swung back towards depression. “Sorry…” and to his horror Razz found himself on the verge of tears. 

“Hey, It’s okay!” Sans said in the most soothing voice Razz had ever heard. “Why don’t we get some fresh air?” he offered. 

Razz didn’t want to go outside he wanted to wallow in misery. So he shook his head before burying it in his arms so no one could see the tears if they started to fall. 

“We can go say hi to Nightmare.” Sans offered “I’m sure she’d love to see you.” 

The idea of going to say hi to his baby was really appealing. 

He staggered to his feet and Sans looped their arms together. 

“What are you doing?” Razz spat. 

A bead of sweat rolled down Sans face “Uh, I.. don’t want to get lost?” 

That seemed wrong but he was too out of it to argue. So Sans accompanied him out to the pen. They must have been loud because Nightmare was waiting for them. 

“Oh my stars! Hi baby! Were you waiting for me?” Razz said excitedly. 

Sans stayed quiet as Razz made his way to the fence to pet Nightmare. After a few minutes Razz got tired of the fence and started to climb over it. He needed to get in their to pet Nightmare more efficiently. 

From behind him Sans made a weird noise and grabbed his leg. “Let go!” Razz whisper shouted before kicking out with the other leg to get Sans off. Said skeleton caught the kicking leg with no trouble. Razz started hissing like an angry cat as Sans maneuvered him to sit on the ground. 

“Hey, Hey! Chill! You forgot to lock your arm. You would’ve fallen!” 

“I want to say hi to Nightmare!” 

“I’ll go get her for you.” Sans didn’t sound mad, just slightly amused “Sit here I'll be back.” 

Razz was slightly put off but didn’t complain because the grass was so soft. He laid himself out so he could enjoy the slight breeze more comfortably. This wasn’t so bad. The next time he opened his eyes Sans was standing next to him with Nightmares lead.

“Nightmare!” The donkey huffed and settled so she was sitting next to Razz. Sans joined them on the other side. 

“Better?” Sans asked.

“Better.” Razz agreed. 

They just sat there in silence as Razz ran his fingers through Nightmares wiry hair. The silence was nice until he started to remember when he had gotten drunk in the first place. All those painful memories wanted to bust into his head. Tears started to form in his eye-sockets. 

“Tell me a story.” Razz said without thinking. 

“About?”

“Anything.”

Sans shifted a bit against razz’s side.

“Okay, did I ever tell you about when I…”

_____

Asgore the High God of the Sky was playing with his child Asriel. It was the perfect distraction. They were both engrossed in their game leaving the sky fire unguarded. 

This was going to be an epic prank. How would Ass-gore react when he saw his little pets had been given the gift of fire? Something he had specifically kept from them. It was perfect. The big furry asshole was gonna be so pissed. 

Sans had wrapped his feet in animal hide so the steps he took on the cold marble floor were silent. He had been to the halls once or twice before but that was enough for him to remember the path. 

The hall he was following led to a large open area made of stone. In the center was a small flickering flame. It was midday in the mortal realm so most of the ethereal flame was warming the mortal lands. This was the only time he would be able to get close without danger. 

It didn’t take much to coax a small amount of flame into his bag. This was perfect. Sans turned to leave when he saw a figure staring at him. He recognized the small god as Asgore and Toriel’s adopted child. 

Sans had always felt bad for them. Where Toriel lavished them with love Asgore was only indifferent. Their red eyes bore into his soul and it took everything he had not to show how unnerved he was. 

“Hey kid, what’s up?” Sans slipped the box into his robes and out of view. 

“Who are you?” They gave no indication they had seen his little slide of hand.

“Me? You don’t know who  _ I _ am?” Then he paused more to give himself enough time to think than to wait for their answer. 

The child shook their head.

“Well kiddo, I am the king of fools! I am everyone and no one. Kings and peasants are all my subjects.” He bowed in a flourish causing the child to giggle. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“My name is Chara.” They said with a smile “My daddy's a king too are you friends?” 

“The King of Fools has no friends.” He replied flippantly. 

“That’s sad.” They looked at it too, Eyes glassy with unshed tears. Oh gee there it was. He didn’t like to see children sad. Adults? He could chuck then into the darkest pits of madness without a second thought but a child? 

“Don’t be sad kiddo. I like it that way.” Sans tried to sooth them but It didn’t work. It somehow just made them mad.

“No! We are friends now!” They declared with a steadfast determination. 

“Chara?” Came the soft musical voice from the hall. Sans soul dropped. The Queen wasn’t supposed to be here!

The child's face lit up with joy “It’s mom!” they cried as they turned away. It was going to be Sans only chance. He pulled his magic and teleports behind an ornate pillar. 

“Mama! Meet my new friend!”

“Chara you know not to wander off like that! This room is dangerous.” Even though Toriel sounded perturbed there was no anger in her voice. 

“But moooom! I made a new friend! He’s-”

There was a pause before Toriel spoke.

“There is no one here my child. Would you like to help me with my weaving?”

Chara must have made a non verbal gesture because soon the sound of footsteps started to back the way they had come. Of course Sans felt bad. After all they were friends now.

So with his clothed feet he moved quickly. Quicker than he had in a long time. Itt was easy to catch up with the pair and with a mischievous simile Sans unhooked his broach. It was a gold ornate bird skull with sapphires in the eye sockets. 

He hooked it onto the back of the child's clothing and then danced away behind a conveniently shaped vase. 

______

It wasn’t the last time I saw Chara. They were good kid. Of course Asgore was pissed when he found out about the fire thing but I was so sneaky the old bastard never pinned it on me.”

Razz felt nice relaxing in the grass. The story was nice too. “I knew someone named Chara.” He said absentmindedly.

“Yeah, you guys are always naming your kids after us. I’ve met so many Chara, Sans, and Papyrus’s it’s crazy!” 

“Papyrus?” Razz asked thinking only of his brother. Of course he had heard stories of the God Papyrus but to him Papyrus would always be the name of his big brother. 

“Yeah, my baby bro Papyrus.” Sans said with a goofy smile “He’s so cool.”

Razz let the words sink in. Sans had a brother named Papyrus too…

“Tell me about him?” Razz asked.

“ Sure,how about the time Paps had to save me from a human? That’s a crazy story.”

Razz nodded his head.

“So it all started when…” 

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and Next time Sans tells mortals how to summon him and then gets pissed when they summon him. lol

**Author's Note:**

> comments feed the beast


End file.
